We were barely a third of the way into the ascent up the mountain and I looked at my son Nate and told him I didn’t think I could do it. My knees are not in the best shape, my balance is unsteady, my fear grips me more tightly than I prefer.
Nate made it clear that he wouldn’t let defeat rule over me and that the victory of that mountain summit would be mine if he had any say at all.
I have been pondering that mountain summit for days on end. Then I was listening to my Louie podcast yesterday and when he had a side comment about the difficulty of climbing mountains, I knew God was speaking something into my heart that He wanted me to share.
The week in Utah and Colorado with my boys was one of the hardest weeks I have yet traversed this side of heaven. Although I relished every moment of time with Nate and hearing all about his adventures in the outdoors, I couldn’t help but miss Katherine terribly. She has always been my person, the one who gets me more than any other human on this planet. So I started the trip feeling a bit sad because she wasn’t with us, but also because even Nate’s life now takes him out of our circle 90% of the time and Caleb will too soon fly the coup.
One day we were hiking out to see some arches and I was watching my steps. I suddenly looked to the side and realized we were in the midst of a ton of sunflowers. Every summer when we hike, I have taken time to find a flower from one of our trails for my mom. I would place it in a safe spot and go out of my way to get it safely back to the camper so I could bring it home and frame it for her. I knew her body would no longer allow her to go see those things for herself, so my heart’s desire was to bring it to her instead.
When I looked up and saw those flowers all around me, I began to weep. My mom always loved sunflowers. And my mom always loved the flower I brought home to her from out west. But this year meant I had no one to bring the flower home to, so instead of picking a flower, I prayed to God and asked him to tell her that I hoped she was enjoying the view.
We came home to find that our sweet Lucy dog had passed away while we were gone. And I just need to be honest and say that I told God I had had enough loss for now and could he please stop, at least for a bit.
I hit a low, and it took me days to come out of it.
I reached out to some of the staff of our Mission III team and asked them to pray for me. And I could feel the weight finally be lifted that had rested on me for a few weeks. And then when I heard the Louie comment, I realized something I never noticed before. And it was the thing to finally get me over the last piece of trail that was keeping me from the mountain top of experiencing God’s goodness rushing over me.
We often talk about mountains and valleys as seasons in our lives. We think about the mountains as the highs and the valleys as the lows. But do we ever consider that meandering through a valley requires very little effort on our behalf but earning a summit experience requires endless sacrifice as well as intense mental and physical exertion. If you have ever hiked to the top of a 14er, you know what I mean when I say it is an exhausting feat-physically, mentally and emotionally. But we do it again and again because standing on the top of that mountain brings a feeling like no other.
The same is true of our faith. If we remain in the valley, we never fully stretch ourselves and that is exactly why we only experience God in a valley kind-of way. But when we do the really hard things and overcome the mountains before us, it is then that we experience God in a breathtaking way, at a whole new level of appreciation for who He really is.
I was feeling pretty low for a few weeks, living in the valley, or rather the pit of my pity. But as I prayed and asked others to pray for me and sought the Lord for His restoration, I began to climb back up the mountain one step at a time so I could once again experience God in His richness and goodness and love.
“Are you past the point of weary? Is your burden weighin’ heavy? Is it all too much to carry? Let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.” ~ Anne Wilson
You are not alone, my friend. We all have days when we feel weary. But I promise you that Jesus wants to carry you up that mountain that seems too big for you. He wants to take you into His arms and whisper his love over you the entire time you climb the mountain. He wants to be your Nate that refuses to let defeat overtake you because He knows what awaits when we claim the victory of the summit.
I cannot begin to express the majesty and awe of a mountain top experience. Sure, it comes after a very long battle to overcome all the hurdles that stand between you and the summit, but keep pressing on, my friend. It’s an experience you will never forget, an experience you will never regret, because knowing God amidst the valley ain’t got nothing on knowing God from the summit. And His goodness as He walks with us through the struggle of the mountains is truly more than we can ever fathom. Oh, how very good is He.
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